This Girls Journey

controlling birth

A few days ago I recieved a phone call from the Target pharmacy indicating that my birth control pills persciption has expired, and in order to get a refill I needed to get a new scrip from my doctor. I was genuinely confused, but then after more thought I remembered that at one point I had to take BC pills to regulate my cycle which was well over a year ago considering in the past year I have been pregnant, delivered, and as of Sunday I will have a 3 month old baby. I somehow feel like even though I have this beautiful little person lying next to me right now, I am still somehow haunted by the fact that I was not able to concieve her on my own, and may not be able to concieve a little brother or sister without the assisntance of modern day technology. With that being said, I certainly have no interest in taking birth control pills which would definately prevent me from at the very least having an "oops baby." I admit, and agree that getting pregnant right now would be extrememly soon after having Nola, but given what we have been through to have her, any additions to our family would be a welcome blessing. So my answer to Target pharmacy was "no thanks." It should have been "leave me alone!!!" I already have no control of my fertility, and what little control I have, I don't want to give it over to a pill called THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL.

 

why?

Why do people bring babies everywhere they go? There are someplace's where I feel like they just shouldn't be.
1) Expensive restaurants.
2) Movie theaters
3) FERTILITY CLINIC

I was at my RE's office for bloodwork and in walks a woman with her gynormous stroller system, with a baby in it. There are some places you just don't bring babies. RE office is definitely included on the list. Not because of jealosly, but simply because we infertile's see babies everywhere. Magazines, TV, grocery store, in our sleep. The last place we want to be super duper reminded about our inadequacies is at our doctors office. Please keep in mind that my doctor does NOT share an office with a Family Practitioner, a Pediatrician, or anything that involves full sized born babies. This is strictly an office of Reproductive Endocrinologists. I completely understand that perhaps a babysitter was not available. But still... I can't help but be a little irritated. This probably stims from the first time a saw a woman bring babies (brand new twins) into an RE's office. On the same day I was in my old RE's office because I was having a miscarriage, a woman thought it would be wonderful to bring her babies to my Dr's office to "show them off." So I ended up sitting (and bleeding) in the waiting room for an hour while this woman paced back and forth in front of me cooing at her babies that were far from taking a nap. Please keep in mind that this woman did not have an appointment, and just decided to show up. As a former infertile, she should know better.

I'm going to take a moment and compare this to an experience a couple of friends and myself have had the past couple of weeks. We attend Weight Watchers meetings on Tuesday mornings. Every morning when we arrive there is a woman there with her child. Every week she complains about how she's not loosing like she would have hoped as well as blah blah blah. So sitting next to her on the floor is her son who is let's say around 4 or 5 years old. He is sitting on the floor eating either a donut or a McDonald's biscuit with grease attached. Why on earth would you bring your child to a Weight Watcher's meeting eating a donut? Weight Watcher's is all about learning and practicing healthy eating habits. Plopping your kid down on the floor in the middle of the room of 20-30 hungry women (and a couple of men) is just not wise. I can't help but stare at the kid of think "hmmm... I want a donut." I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one who was having that thought.

shh... it's a secret

I came across this post secret yesterday while just browsing the internet. Once again I am forced to realize that I haven't reached the end after all. This just made me think about how angry I get over many different reasons, when some people choose or not choose to have children and take their fertility for granted. My personal post secret is that I agree with this person. If you are not familiar with post secrets, please visit this website. PostSecrets. I'm warning you now... they are extremely addictive.

% rates

Turning damned near 30 on Friday (which would be 29). I really don't like getting older. With age comes many other issues that I'm just not ready for. Like the fact that the older I get the likelihood of me being able to get pregnant only goes down down down, and the likelihood that I will be infertile forever just goes up up up. I got this chart from BabyCenter which has a lot of other useful info about being pregnant. If you are able to achieve this great task.

good friday? (doubtful)

I don't feel like saying much, except that today was everything but a "good friday." Period came. Went to doctor for blood test, and there are officially no nuts in the house.

can i really handle another suggestion?

I just got home from having a 4 hour long dinner with friends who live in my "neighborhood." Had lots of fun. Ate very good food. Laughed extremely hard while having very inappropriate dinner conversations. Fun fun fun. I felt that I needed to write something, so here it is. I came across this video a couple of months ago, and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. It's about all the suggestions that people have for those of us who have been trying to conceive and are having troubles. Sometimes you don't want people to make suggestions. Sometimes you just want them to listen. Listen. You don't have to respond. It's ok. I can't and won't get mad if I get no response, but I may get a little annoyed or irritated if you say any of the below.

• Don't think about it. Focus on something else. Easy to say, but very difficult to do.
• Loose weight. Again, easy to say, not as easy to do.
• Keeping working on it. NO sh*t. What do you think we've been doing?
• See a different doctor for another opinion. Ok, I'll do that. I'll just go and wait another 2 months for a new doctor to fit me into their schedule for them only to tell me the same exact thing. Especially considering I don't think there is anything wrong with the doctor that I have.
• Have sex the day after period begins. Which would mean, I'm bumping hips WHILE I'm bleeding. Gross. I'm sure there are some who do this, but I'm not interested. Hmm... maybe I should try this. This could be the entire reason why I haven't gotten pregnant... Next month if all else fails. (That was gross. Sorry Momme)
• Pray. By the way. I'm completely fine with people praying for me. That's cool, and I really appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

I'm sure there is more. I just can't think of anything since I'm very much ready to go to bed. Night. Night.

2 nuts in the house

So, out of 4 fertilized embryo's 2 made it to the womb, and hopefully they attach. At least one. As inhospitable as my uterus is, I hope that my uterine lining is working with me and has decided to pull out the red carpet. I think I'm pretty warm when people come to visit. I like to offer something to drink (i.e. water, tea, etc), a nice comfy place to sit, and perhaps some entertainment which would be Laila (doggie) running around trying to score some loving, so I hope that my uterus would do the same.

So hubby and I have decided to name the two embies after nuts. Baby (embryo) A is Baby Cashew (left side)  and B is Baby Walnut (right side). We chose Walnut especially because he's so round and plump. Kinda like a walnut. They are so cute. I know this sounds crazy, but they really are. They look so smart, like they already know what they're goal is and how to do it. I hope so anyways.

The whole procedure took about 10 minutes from start to finish, including a nice warm blanket fresh out of the hospital issued microwave thingy. The best part was that hubby was with me and he had the opportunity to see via ultra sound those 2 crazy nuts go from 'test tube' to their home for hopefully the next 9-10 months. He says that it almost looked like a puff of air. Very cool. I wish I could have seen it, but those damn stirrups that my legs were in were blocking my view. Most comfortable stirrups I have ever had the pleasure of meeting by the way. They were VERY old school. Not they type that just the heels of your feet go into, but they had chains and a hanging contraption that your feet kinda just fit into. Strange but true (shrug). You kind of have to imagine it. Maybe I'll draw a pic and scan it. That would have to be another day though.

Just a little more info about the quality of these two nuts. The one of the left has 7 cells which is ok but not super fantastic, and the one on the right has 8 cells which is fantabulous. Just a little extra info.

show me the $$

So, today my sister asked me who pays for all of this. This being all of my infertility treatments. Well, my insurance pays for it all... Massachusetts is one of the few states in the country were it is mandated by law that insurance company's cover their members IF treatments. Which I think is only fair considering they will pay for someone to give birth to a baby. Why not help them concieve one? It only makes sense to me. When I lived in MD (which is another state that is supposed to cover IF), I actually worked in DC, which is a state that is not required, and the only thing that was covered by my company was IUI. So I could basically have a billion IUI's, but no IVF. IUI does not work for everyone, and sometimes IVF is the only option. My current insurance plan in Mass cover's pretty much an unlimited amount of IF treatments. Which is awesome considering one round of IVF could be upwards of $10,000 bucks if not more.

Please click here  if you would like to see if your state is required to cover IF treatments. If your state is not listed, I would suggest that you check with your current insurance company and also your employer. I have heard of people asking their employers and actually getting things covered that were not previously offered. Ya never know.

glossary

So my very good friend Brandie @ Out and About in Africa suggested that I add a glossary for those who may not know what some of these infertility terms and abbreviations mean. Good idea Brandie. Thanks! So my new glossary has been added with links to other pages that have full descriptions of IF (he he) terms and procedures. I hope this is helpful.

eggs in a basket

Eggs in a basket, or should I say 'egg's in a petri dish'? Today was my egg retrieval. All went well. It was a very strange experience, but was overall a good one. My clinic has two different locations, and this was the first time I had ever been to this one. Only one location does IVF. The other location does everything else, including IUI. Everyone was nice, and they made the process as smooth and stress free as possible, which says a lot cause I easily get very frazzled. The only person who probably knows this is my husband. My dear sweet husband. He was such a trooper today. Not that he had much to do except give his donation. Thanks for the perfect specimen!

So long story short. I have 16 eggs. I will have more info tomorrow about quality and how the fertilization process went. Yay! I'm so excited. Hopefully all goes well in the next couple of days. Embryo transfer is scheduled for Sunday. Will know more about time and such on Saturday. Can't wait. Can't wait. Very sore.